Hello my loves and welcome back to another podcast episode, if you don't know me, my name is Brooke and I'm a confidence coach dedicated to supporting women and amplifying their voices.
You may have clicked on today's podcast because you may know what confident people do, they hold their head up high, speak with conviction and take risks but do you know what confident people never do? Listen to find out!
In this podcast episode, we discuss the top 6 things confident people never do.
Focus on the negative
Place the blame
Hide behind indecision
Compete with others
Talk negatively to themselves - scroll down for more!
I decided to focus on this particular topic because of some feedback I received after my feature in the Daily Mail. If you didn't know, Daily Mail Australia reached out to me to feature me and my work in supporting women to learn how to become the most magnetic person in the room.
Read my Daily Mail article here: How to be the most 'magnetic' person in the room.
While I don't like to pass judgement on others, there were a lot of naysayers aka haters that thought it would be fun to tear me and my work apart. What people say can be hurtful but thankfully I understand that it comes from a place of hurt.
Their hate comes from a place of fear, they are projecting their own limiting beliefs and self-doubt onto me but if I didn't have a sense of inner self-worth and self-confidence it would have been a lot harder to deal with.
P.S I am always down for constructive feedback, I love hearing other people's opinions especially if they're different to mine, that's how we grow but the majority of the comments were simply hateful.
So, in the words of one of my personal heroes, Michelle Obama, "when they go low, we go high".
Instead of wasting my energy by responding, I decided to wish them well and put my energy into creating more valuable content for the beautiful women I'm here to serve. In saying that, here are the 6 things confident people never do.
1. Focus on the negative
Confident people never focus on the negative, they look for the positives in any situation.
Focusing on the negative is a defence mechanism that focuses on threats to our physical and emotional safety. We do this instinctively so we don't become an outcast and keep ourselves safe. But this is an old defence mechanism that does not serve us in this day and age.
I could have focused on the fact that people didn't like me or what I do, but I chose to focus on the fact that someone loved me and my work so much that they wanted to feature me in The Daily Bloody Mail! I also chose to focus on the positive comments and the women who came to me for coaching support. That means way more to me than any of the negatives.
Alexander from Frankin in the Us said "As a person who knows multiple people suffering from mental trauma and disorders, thank you. Thank you for putting yourself out there, willing to be berated by these imbeciles so that you can express your feelings and opinions that you are entitled to. Keep doing this. Use this negativity to better yourself. Your article may be helping people that you will never know or see but just remember, you helped build the confidence of some kid in Kentucky. Thank you, and keep up the great articles!"
That one comment made all the negative comments completely irrelevant to me because if I'm helping just one other human being in the world, I will keep pushing and so should you. Only you know your intentions, your dreams and your vision, no one else.
We can't always change people's mind and we don't need to. They are on their journey and you are on yours so if you want to be more confident, believe in yourself and focus on the good in your life.
There are always going to be varying difficult times in life which you might think are impossible to stay positive through. You're allowed to feel emotion but remind yourself that tough times are the times that we learn and grow in life.
Don't focus on the negative, train your brain to see the good.
2. Place the blame
You are the only one responsible for your life and how it plays out. Excuses and placing the blame on others is simply a way of trying to dodge accountability for yourself and your actions.
Confident people are ok with taking responsibility for their actions and often embrace accountability.
If you want to become more confident you have to work on owning your mistakes and learning from them. While it may be difficult to own up to our wrongdoings we become stronger and more confident because of it - therefore earning the respect of those around us.
3. Be defensive
There is nothing worse than trying to have a conversation with someone who is erratic and defensive. You will never find a confident person who is defensive because it is just another form of dodging the blame and projecting the blame onto someone else.
Confident people are often open-minded to their mistakes, what they could have done differently and what they can do better next time.
4. Hide behind indecision
Whether you call it keeping the peace or avoiding conflict, hiding behind indecision isn't a definitive yes or no but it's still a choice.
Being a fence sitter is usually due to a fear of making the wrong decision and looking bad or like the "bad guy" but a confident person does not worry about who's right or wrong. They're willing to make a decision and live with the consequences whether they're right or wrong.
We live and we learn right? But we can't move forward if we're constantly sitting on the fence so try to avoid relying on others to make the decision and choose what feel best for you in each situation.
5. Compete with others
You might notice that confident people do not compare themselves to others because they are too focused on themselves and where they're going.
It might seem self-centred but when you focus on yourself and being happy with what you have in life, you realise there is enough success to go around. You start to build those up around you without the need to try and compete with them.
6. Talk negatively to themselves
Negative self-talk is a given. With all the messaging we're fed every day (especially as women) it is inevitable that we are going to have negative thoughts. However, confident people do not feed into these thoughts.
If you want to become more confident you have to understand that you're never going to be perfect but that's what makes us who we are. You are perfect in your imperfections, continue to learn and grow from your mistakes.
When negative thoughts pop up for you, remind yourself that you are doing your best and that those thoughts don't define you.
You are a bad bitch, who exudes self-confidence, focuses on the positive, takes accountability and makes decisions that feel good for her.
Are you wondering how to start your journey?
Download Your Free Self-Love Workbook
This workbook is designed to set your journey in motion with the deep thinking required when working through this workbook. You'll start to recognise your worth and boost your confidence with journaling prompts, self-care practices, self-help, wellbeing writing exercises. As well as self-improvement, personal development and overall self-love for women.